Is it important that students are able to convey their thoughts with dialogue? Is it important that students manage their time well? Or their technology? Is etiquette important? Of course it is; soft skills matter. Being able to communicate appropriately with people matters. Knowing how to use your table service during a dinner party matters!
Our classrooms are petry dishes. They are places to grow hearts and minds. Some folks believe that testing can show growth, but there are too many things that tests cannot cover. To truly test students, you must know them. I'm not sure who came up with the idea of the "3 R's" (Rigor, Relevance, and Relationship) but the most important R - the one that supersedes the other R's - is RELATIONSHIP. If you don't have a good relationship with a student, you are not going to reach them.
How can you tell if you have a good relationship with the kids? I gauge that by what they are willing to ask me. If students ask you for help with menial tasks or things that they are embarrassed about asking others, then it's safe to say that you're in good standing with a kid. Most of these "menial tasks" are soft skills. At least twice a year I find myself helping a young gentleman tie a tie, or a bow tie. I'm telling them to button the top two buttons of their suit jacket, or leave their tux coat unbuttoned. Last week a kid asked me what he should wear for his job interview, and that led to a conversation prepping him for the questions that management might ask him during the interview.
What do tying bow ties and knowing which buttons to button on a suit coat matter? Because it may be the difference between getting the job and getting the "Thank you for your interest..." letter in the future.
Forgive the personal reference, but when I was in high school I was job hunting. I had received an application from a local bank and, early one Saturday morning, I was going to go turn it in. I was halfway down the stairs in our home when my mother said, "Young man! What are you doing?"
"Going to turn in this application." I replied.
"Not dressed like that, I hope." my mother chided.
"What's wrong with my clothes?"
"You can't go to apply for a job like that! Put a suit on!"
Now, my mother could be VERY persuasive. I huffed and puffed over how stupid it was that I had to put on my dumb suit just to drive down the road and hand them an application, but I did it.
I got the job.
About a year later I was having a conversation with my supervisor about how I had come to work at the bank and she told me, "You know, we had actually closed the window for applications the day before. The only reason we accepted yours, was because you looked so nice in your suit."
I tell my students that story every year. They all laugh, but the point has been made. It's okay to take a few minutes to show them how to iron a shirt, or wear a pocket watch. Some of our students have never been told about things like deodorant, or proper amounts and application of perfume. Students need to know these basic skills.
Now, you may say, "That's not your job, that should be taught at home." and I concede that the home is the ideal place for students to learn such things, but they are not getting it at home. So, we come to a place of decision: Do you just teach your content and let students remain in their ignorance concerning everything else? Or are you teaching wholistically? Are you teaching students, not just about the Arts and Sciences, but how to be a human being? I afford them dignity, and I expect them to share that dignity with others.
Their music is not teaching them to be courteous or dignified. The political institutions are not teaching them to discuss and work out their issues. Many of them are not receiving instruction in the home, nor at their place of worship. Their recreational activities are not teaching them sportsmanship or priority. To the contrary, I have witnessed firsthand as a coach the ridiculous, callous, and foolish expressions of (poor) sportsmanship from parents that are trying to relive days-gone-by through their children. Many school Arts programs are no better. As a father, I can't hardly watch a high school dance review...
We have forgotten how to be gracious to one another. We have forgotten how to win graciously and lose with dignity.We have forgotten how to dress for dinner and wash our hands, and comb our hair. We have forgotten that some things are sacred. We have forgotten to look out for our neighbor. We have forgotten courtesy; and it seems to take unspeakable crimes, like the Boston Bombing, to pull us back into focus - to remember our humanity, and our frailty.
Teach the soft skills too. Model them. Stop your lecture for a minute to show them how to do something. Build them into your project. Demand them in the cafeteria and the hallways. Demand them on the field of sport. Demand them in the auditorium. Students must learn to turn off their cell phone. Students must know how to dress for the occasion. Students must learn the arts of both conversation and debate. Students must learn when to keep their opinions to themselves and when to express them and those are simple things that can be taught in your classroom and in your school.
Build a culture in your school that you would like to see out on the street, because that's where they're going to take it.
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