You'll have to forgive me this week. I have been maligned. The profession (and it is still a profession!) of teaching has been maligned here in Indiana and throughout our nation. I am a teacher, so I have taken this affront personally. I'm insulted. I'm furious. I'm a man on fire, and I should've been stirred up like this a year or two ago... The first rule of blogging: A blog is not a personal diary. Keep your blog on topic. Don't stray from the topic. No one wants to read about your personal life, save that for facebook. I have tried hard to write strictly on topic and will continue to do so, but not this week. No, this week I must apologize.
To the State of Indiana, The fifty United States of America, and all those in favor of destroying public education with testing "accountability," teacher "incentive", and bad politics:
I'm sorry that I inspire kids to greatness beyond sheets of paper with fill-in-the-blank bubbles on them. I'm sorry that I'm not concerned with how they perform on tests that don't reveal anything to us accept their socio-economic status, geographic location, ethnicity, and how they felt on that given day. I'm sorry that I don't buy in to the idea that if we keep testing them, they'll get better; that if we put more institution in the institution that things will pan out. I'm sorry that I find the idea of labeling students as, "Pass", "Will not pass", and "Borderline" insulting to the kids, the parents, and those of us that have a vision for the future of America.
I'm sorry that I help kids see the world through a view beyond that of their parents. I'm sorry that I coach, mentor, and suggest that students aim beyond their means and try to attain that which is higher, loftier, and sometimes better than themselves. I'm sorry for suggesting that students dream. I'm sorry for connecting kids to the real world - the one that they see on TV without the happy endings. I'm sorry for exposing students to literature, theater, music, art, and other glorious, sacred, and holy things that are eroding away from our society and our culture. I'm sorry for suggesting to our students that they themselves can become creators of these works. I apologize for suggesting that they can perform these tasks; not only that they are capable, but they should be compelled to do so!
I'm sorry for teaching kids about failure. I'm sorry for teaching students how to lose gracefully, shake the other guy's hand and say, "Good job." I apologize for suggesting that not everyone is going to make it, and that you have to work hard to get things done. I'm sorry for believing, perhaps blindly, in the American Dream. My humblest apologies, thinking that students might actually become something besides cheats, crooks, liars, and thieves. I'm sorry for thinking that I might incite them to civil discourse and obedience; to chivalry and romance and general kindness. I'm sorry for thinking that these principles are not dead. I'm sorry that I require them to learn how to listen, how to be silent, and how to sit still for more than a few minutes while not looking at a screen or listening to an ear bud. I'm sorry that I ask them to think, ponder, wonder, and meditate on ideas like Socratic Dualism and Aesthetic Harmony. I'm sorry for asking them to come to class prepared, on time, and ready to work. I'm sorry for suggesting that they not cheat or plagiarize. I'm sorry that these things can't be measured by a test. I apologize for telling kids "no".
I also apologize for saying, "yes". I'm sorry that I tell kids, "You can do this." I'm sorry that I encourage them to do what is right, good, excellent, and academic for themselves and each other. I'm sorry that I expect them to read for entertainment. I'm sorry that I suggest that they pick up the book before they see the movie. I'm sorry that I suggest reading selections to them based upon what they might enjoy. I'm sorry that I expose them to music that is enjoyed by people all over the world and has been for centuries. I'm sorry that I encourage them to view art, go to plays, visit operas, and support the arts.
I'm sorry that I know my students. I know what interests them. I know what entertains them. I know what they enjoy. I know what makes them happy. I'm sorry that I know that, and that I don't marginalize what is meaningful to them. I'm sorry that I let myself have a proper teacher-student friendship with my students. I'm sorry that I spend my summers honing my craft (for no pay) so that when classes resume I will be the best teacher that I can be. I'm sorry that I plan and organize. I'm sorry that I belong to clubs and organizations that make teachers stronger. I'm sorry that I implement best practice. I'm sorry that I work for students even when they don't work for me. I'm sorry that I spend my weekends (and my money) taking students on field trips that expose them to museums, concerts, art, and other great things that they would never see otherwise. I'm sorry that I care.
I'm sorry for my success. I'm sorry that I'm really good at what I do. I'm unabashedly sorry (oh, look, an oxymoron!) that I know that. I apologize that my class is rigorous, relevant, and meaningful beyond the pathetic curriculum the state has given me to instruct. I'm sorry that my class is aesthetic, that it penetrates visual, aural, and kinesthetic levels all at once. I'm sorry that my room cultivates a culture of trust, respect, and responsibility. I'm sorry that I challenge kids and sometimes their parents with the content that I teach. I'm sorry that I have such sway on student minds that they go home and tell their parents what they did in class. I'm sorry that I incite dinner conversations where students ask their family members questions about Love, God, Music, and Art. I apologize to parents for suggesting that they help cultivate these processes of thinking; that they take a role in their student's future. Who am I to suggest that parents talk to their children? Who am I to suggest that parents parent? How foolish of me, I'm sorry.
Mostly, I'm sorry for myself. I'm sorry that my generation has let this country erode to the point where the education system, the last pillar of democracy, will fail. I'm sorry that education has become a political pawn tossed around by people who don't know what they're doing, and care less about kids. I'm sorry that I entered a profession that does not offer incentive to perform, nor incentive to continue (and let's get real: offering more money for better performance on tests is insulting! I wonder if it occurred to anyone that I'm already teaching at my capacity every day? I'm giving 100% at my job!). I'm sorry that my government has forced me to choose between the profession and people I love and caring for my own family, my legitimate one. I'm sorry that the law has watered down who can teach so badly that the people in the classroom will be unprepared and incapable, and therefore, the products of their classrooms will also be unprepared and incapable. I'm sorry for my own children, my three sons and one daughter, that will be subject to myriad tests in school that will offer them no enrichment and tell them nothing save that their own interests are marginal in the worlds of math and science, and that those worlds never collide with art or creativity - which is a lie.
Now, pass the hemlock.
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